Hey, welcome to Every Prayer Matters Blog. My name is Justice Rodriguez and I help mommas like you implement the “How To” in a powerful prayer life as you navigate through your life as a wife and mother.
In today’s blog, we will discover what to do when you’re having trouble in paradise!
This blog aims to help you see how your prayers set the tone for every area of your life and a few keys to making it through the hard times in marriage! There are affiliate links within this blog because I use them and believe they can help you make your mommy life more fun and well… help your self-care. Please note that this blog is about my personal story and adventure. I’m not a doctor or a professional to give you medical advice. I’m simply a wife, a mommy of 2, and a developing business owner sold out for Jesus who wants to encourage you in your prayer life because I believe Every Prayer Matters To God!
As I was chatting with a good friend of mine about our daily life, family and just a bunch of other things we had on our minds, the topic of my next blog came up, as I’m telling her the name she asked me a really powerful question and I believe it’s worth asking you.
What’s paradise to you?
Sometimes ( A lot of the time) we have these unrealistic expectations in our marriages and relationships and we have this idea of how everything is supposed to be, how it’s supposed to look and how it is supposed to feel, I mean at least I know I do! And no matter how many times. I tried to tell myself at the time.
When I was engaged and even through my first year of marriage, that I would never be that wife that expected things to be how she wants or expected anything from my husband at all , I slowly started to grow a resentment towards the love of my life.
It was only when I learned that having expectations is not the problem, expecting your husband to show up for his family, do what he needs to do to the spiritual leader and provider for the family, to be supportive, and give you the love you deserve are not the issues. It’s the unreasonable, unrealistic expectations that cause the biggest problems.
Examples:
- believing that your husband is the source of your happiness
- Expecting your husband to fix emotional wounds that he didn’t create.
- Projecting your self limiting beliefs on to your spouse Expecting your spouse to give 110% 24/7 and not ever fall short
I know that heavy, I understand it’s a lot to take in but when I was literally crying out to God for my marriage when I was at what I told myself was the end. I had to first address the elephant in the room. Myself!
No, I’m not saying our husbands are perfect, they are blameless but I’m saying we all know that when you walk into a relationship you bring your own set of bags, and until you start to unpack some things there will be no room for to live, grow and live out the marriage that God intends for you to have.
So I want to give you 3 things to help you if you’re having trouble in paradise!
- Find ways to reconnect
There are many ways to do this. If you like me and physical touch are one of your love languages then, by all means, sex is one sure way to reconnect and come together but if you’re also like me your know that sex without intimacy is like eat cake with bad icing, yuck!
So try things like :
– reading the Bible together
-praying together
– doing kind gestures for each other.
- Evaluate yourself
Have you ever heard the quote ” Check yo’ self before you reck yo’ self” think of it like that! You need to check in with yourself at this time when you’re not doing so well. Why? Because self-love is the best love!
I’m not telling you to avoid your husband but you are not responsible for his happiness. You need to take this time to ask yourself a few questions so when it’s time to talk you can be in a healthy space.
Ask yourself:
- How have I contributed to the problem? Accepting the role you play in the issue helps not only the issue but your partner as well.
- Is there something within myself I’m avoiding working on and I’m just being triggered because I need to heal from something in my past? Sometimes we have so much buried trauma from past relationships and our childhoods that when our husband does something remotely close we go into fight or flight mode. If we start working through the trauma by journaling, reaching out to a counselor, or finding a mentor to help us unpack the trauma it can help us be able to communicate our feelings more healthily.
- How is my self-care? Am I allowing myself to fill my cup, take breaks and recharge in my daily life? Lack of water, lack of rest, lack of Jesus in your system and you can be walking around here acting a fool! We all need time to regroup especially in times when there is a conflict in the home, tabling a discussion until you are in a better headspace is better than saying things you regret later.
- Be open, be honest and be transparent
be open to expressing yourself and allowing your spouse to express themselves without judgment
Be honest about your feelings, your expectations, and your goals for yourself, your family, and your relationship. be transparent and allow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner. Put aside your fridge and break down your walls.
Use good old I AM statements like :
I am feeling….
I am hearing …
I am…
I encourage you to read the whole book of Ephesians with your husband, when you get to chapter 5 I want you BOTH to pay close attention to the roles that you each play in the union. I encourage you to go to Galatians 5 and read through the entire chapter. I believe there you will be able to understand what exactly is causing some of the trouble in paradise.
I pray that this blog blessed you and that you found value in it. If this encourages you, leave a comment, and or share on social media!
If you would like further guidance on Every Prayer Matters as a young mama, click here to subscribe and get your FREE guide now! Here is where I provide you with a simple guide that will help you start the process of building a quiet time routine and it also helps you plan out your day!
The Young Faithful Mama 
Thank you for sharing!
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